Day 9: Starting Over After an Argument
I am a pouter. Or as I like to put it, I just need a few days to mull things over. Until my late 40’s, there wasn’t much that needed mulling over, but then it’s like I just woke up one day – mad as a hornet and I’ve been mulling ever since. Lack of estrogen, I’m told, will do that to a woman.
As most of you know, my husband is perfect, so who or what am I mulling about? It can be anything; the speed of the internet, a driver on the interstate, a choice made by a family member that I don’t agree with or my crown may have been set askew on top of my head for a few minutes. Trust me, my little kingdom has protocol to meet and when it missteps…. there can be repercussions.
Now once I’ve had my little temper tantrum, mulled things over and decided to right the crown, what then?
- First things first – admit where I was wrong, apologize and ask for their forgiveness – unless it is the internet that I can’t forgive.
- Tell them where they were wrong… oops, that just starts it all over again. Actually, this is just a step to clarify what hurt ME, why and how we can avoid this in the future.
- Discuss how I hurt them – I don’t stop for people I’ve run off the road, however.
- Give little signals that this is how you read my mind in the future.
- Have a little pow-wow about everything they’ve done in the past, just in case they missed it in the last “discussion.”
- Give the silent treatment to all valid points the other person makes. Sticking my nose in the air is usually a dead giveaway that said treatment has begun.
- Take everything that is said by the other person personally, after all, it is personal.
- Assign a “time-out” to the offender. To my perfect husband, we have a little joke to lighten the moment – once all of the above “attempts” at reconciliation have been met, one of us will say to the other,
“You have been a very bad boy/girl. Now go to my room!”
In all seriousness, arguments are not funny, but sometimes they are necessary. If you are like me and need mulling time, just try not to “let the sun go down on your anger.” Adding flavor to the relationship is good, but once things go sour, it’s hard to sweeten them back up again.
If you catch me with my nose in the air, offer me an apple cider. I’m sure the mulling spices will help lower my chin.