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A Stone Tablet Says Call Your Mother

It is Written on a Stone Tablet: Call Your Mother

In the first place, during the age of instant contact through texting, email, snapchat and other social media, do you ever wonder why it takes Johnny so long to respond to Mom’s texts? Or for Suzi Q to reply to Dad’s email? And why do neither answer their phone? How do we address this issue of lack of communication in the fastest period of response known to mankind?

Moms across the planet unit to try to solve this issue. So far, we have one idea. We considered sending a stone tablet with the words “CALL YOUR MOTHER”  chiseled on it to those young adults whose auto-reply is Thou Shalt Not Communicate. I mean if the message looks as if it’s from God the Father, do you think it might make a difference? Oh well, never-mind; the shipping might cause the death of a cart-steadier and hearing that ringtone is just not worth anyone’s death.



J. K. Simmons Pleads

Additionally, this has affected parents of the rich and famous. Way back in January of another age, J. K. Simmons in his Best Supporting Actor Oscar speech pleaded with kids across the globe to “Call, don’t text. Don’t email,” your parents. I would love to know how that turned out for him. I know he got a resounding round of applause for that plea.

Here are my ten commandments to share with your young creations:

  • I am your mother. I brought you into this world, I can take you out. After your prayers, God wants you to call me.
  • Thou shalt not make any graven image – stop with the selfies and go see your parents in person.
  • Next, Thou shalt not take the name of your father in vain. He can write you out of our will.
  • Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy… By…
  • Honoring your parents with a phone call.
  • Thou shalt not kill the hopes of parents longing to hear your voice.
  • Don’t forget, Thou shalt not commit adultery by choosing the world over our relationship.
  • Thou shalt not steal the investment that was sown into your life from the day you were born.
  • Thou shalt not lie about how busy you are. Someday you won’t be too busy to order flowers for a funeral.
  • Thou shalt not covet the parents of other kids who don’t care how often they hear from their kids.

Finally, to my kiddos: don’t take this personally. It’s meant for all muted children of the world.


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